Enjoy Your Own Company

Enjoy Your Own Company

If you had to count the number of times you’ve read the words “love yourself” on social media, I’m guessing you would lose track of the number, same here. But here’s the truth, I always gloss over it and carry on with my day without taking time to understand what it really means to love myself.

This month, I struggled a lot and had to reevaluate how I deal with friendships and my relationships with people in general and this lead me taking time to understand what love meant to me and how important it is to actively love myself first before pouring into others. If you’ve ever met me, you would find that I am a very friendly person and when I consider someone to be my good friend I will literally do my best to make sure they are doing good and to cater to their needs. It is such a huge part of my character that I never stop to think about how far is too far but I recently realised that as I was taking care of others around me, I slowly began to forget about the most important person, which is myself.

I had forgotten how important it is to protect my peace and find true happiness in myself first, I was so focused on looking happy even when I wasn’t and choking on my problems so nobody would consider me a burden that it wasn’t until I experienced complete burnout that I realised how much I’d lost myself in other people. Listen, there is absolutely nothing wrong in taking care of those you love but you must always remember that you cannot pour from an empty vessel.

Making this decision wasn’t easy, I honestly had to emotionally battle conflicting thoughts every day because this was totally out of my comfort zone, Sometimes I would catch myself staring blankly completely lost in my thoughts, I was confused and it seemed like I was learning who Fountain is, what she likes and what she wants out of life.

Here are some things I’m learning on this journey to Self-love:

  1. Enjoy your own company: There are so many layers to who you are that you’d never discover if you don’t make time out to talk, learn and teach yourself. Try watching movies alone, listening to music by yourself to discover your interests, go on walks alone, go shopping alone, you may discover that you’re actually such a great sport and you make amazing company and you’ll love yourself even more.
  2. Come back to real life: Drop your phone, switch off your gadgets sometimes and have real conversations with those you love. Read a book, write letters to yourself and tell her the things you can’t say out loud
  3. Do things that move your spirit: Go after the things that make you feel alive, the things that give you peace, it could be music, football, praying, writing or absolutely anything. Focus on doing these things that bring you the most joy.
  4. Remember that it’s okay to cry: Crying is important. You don’t have to wail but if you have been hurt, lost someone or trying to let go of certain things, It’s an outlet to release the pain and you should take full advantage of it. I want you to know it’s not going to be a straight journey ahead and you might find your self falling back to old habits but in the words of the famous Titilope Sonuga, “ Forgive yourself for the backward motion, give thanks for the courage to inch forward anyway “.

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Start Loving

Start Loving

Have you ever looked at someone and wished you had a body like theirs just so maybe you could be a model, or wished you had someone else’s talent so you could do something with your life and get the kind of recognition they’re receiving. Well, I have many times and I’m guessing you have too.

I had always compared myself to my Siblings, I felt they all had a hustle, like a rhythm to their lives and knew exactly what they wanted to be with that perfect creative bone in their bodies. It also didn’t help that they were all so beautiful with slim bodies, unlike mine at the time.

So I always felt like the un-useful one or the chubbier one, I had nothing to call my own, I really felt useless when I was around them. It made me very defensive and extremely sad to the point where tears of frustration would come out and they’d be left confused wondering what had gone wrong.
Then came Instagram and all its perfection, I died several deaths before I realised that sitting in that pit of comparison wasn’t going to help me get any more talented, creative or beautiful. It only made me feel terrible and depressed so I decided to take a few steps to become a better person.
These are some the few steps that started me on my self-love journey:

  • Write down what you are good at, or interested in, it took me a very long while to write stuff down but sit there and don’t leave till you have something because the truth is, there’s something in every one of us.
  • Write down your insecurities. What don’t you like about yourself? Are there steps you can take to actively improve? Or are you just going to have to accept that those flaws are a part of your journey?
    You have to come to terms with the things that you can change and can’t change. F or example, I can’t change the fact that my legs are not straight so I went and googled models with bow legs, and told myself that if they lived with it I could too ( I know, I’m extra) but it helps.
  • When it came to things I could change, I could change my body, so I started cutting back calories, I could change my lack of creativity, so I took my blog more seriously, and I can change the fact that I had no source of income, so I begged my mum to find me a place where I can learn to make nails and make extra income while in university.
  • Start working! Now that you know what you can do start working at it now. Doesn’t matter if you fail, my life has always been trial and error, but I am still here and would probably fail at something before the month is over but I won’t die and neither would you.

I still don’t have everything figured out and I don’t think I ever will but I am learning to enjoy the process. Let go of the things that are not in your power to change and embrace and love what you can. The number of times I compliment my self in the mirror might seem insane to someone else but its where I get my daily dose of self-confidence and it helps.

So hey gorgeous, would you like to share some areas where you constantly find yourself making comparisons with me? And maybe we can work together on finding healthy solutions.
Until next time, Love and kisses, Doctor of Happiness 🙂

BIG LITTLE FLAWS

BIG LITTLE FLAWS

Do you have one of those habits that you feel like you have carried throughout your whole life, constantly made excuses for and made no real attempt to acknowledge or even change them? Yeah, me too.

This week was extremely difficult for me because I discovered that I am a very defensive person, ( and no I don’t literally mean a defense fighter ) but I’m the kind that wouldn’t let someone get a full sentence in without having a counter reply for them. Basically, I noticed this behavior a few weeks back my dad and sister were arguing privately, He mentioned my name and without even hearing what he said I interrupted by saying “daddy I am not an example for weakness”

They looked so confused and irritated because I was totally out of the equation in their conversation. However, it made me realize my defensive mechanism. I am always so quick to respond without even properly understanding the situation at hand. And it is mainly because I don’t want to be seen as weak or stupid.

Everyone has the big or little flaws that can cause damage not only to them but to their relationships as well. I am mainly writing about being defensive because it’s a trait almost everyone shows unintentionally. It has been hard trying to listen, understand and not react as though I’m being directly attacked.

In this whole process, I’ve learnt a lot of lessons along the way and these are a few ways that helped me stop reacting so quickly without any validation :

– Not everything or everyone deserves a reaction from you.

– Listen and understand before you respond, because your replies actually are more intelligent when you do so

– No behavior is impossible to change, if you need to stop a bad habit you can always take it one step at a time

– Sometimes there might be a reason why people do what they do if you react too quickly, you might never know why.

– Rapid reactions could cause bigger issues.

Thank you so much for reading ❤️

I’ll be looking forward to hearing what your little bad habits you are trying to curb and how you do it ❤️

I’m going to be writing more in relation to this and many more amazing Please don’t forget to SUBSCRIBE ❤️and check out my Instagram. https://www.instagram.com/fountain_ayidu/

Become your strength

Become your strength

So right from the beginning, I’m just going to come out and be honest with you guys, I am still learning how to do this but I guess that is the best thing about this blog, the fact we get to share our experiences and learn from each other.

As someone who solely relied on the support of my family and friends for a long time, starting university was different for me because I felt like I lost the sense of permanence that came with constantly having family around. This made me really worried and sometimes upset because I began to doubt how much the people I loved really cared about me, but then I had to realize that people have a lot of shit going on in their lives that could make it hard for them to constantly be in communication with you, and truthfully, that’s fine too. I’ve learned on this journey that the only person who can constantly be with you is the spirit of God.

“… I will ask the Father to give you another Helper, to be with you always…” John 14:15-16

When I discovered this, I realized I had to ask God to teach me how to step up and be there for myself sometimes and in no time I started learning how to :

◦ Go to the cinema to see a movie alone and enjoy my own company.

Lesson: Not everyone is free when you are and they might not want to do exactly what you would like.

◦ Talking myself out of my negative thoughts.

◦ Motivating myself to get out of bed and get things done.

If you’re in my house around 7 am, you may or may not hear me reminding myself that the day is mine and I have to show up and show out.

◦ Developing on whatever little habits and hobbies that give me joy.

Sometimes it’s working on my blog and sharing cool things with you all, other times it’s learning how to do my nails from YouTube videos.

◦ Getting a grip on my social media consumption and stepping back into reality to read a book!!

I don’t know if you have started this journey or this might prompt you to be more self-reliant, but I’m assuring you that despite how great your loved ones are it’s important to learn how to be there for yourself.

Thank you so much for reading loves❤️

I’ll be looking forward to hearing little areas that you’re going to show up and take care of yourself by yourself this week.

I’m going to be writing more concerning this and many more amazing topics so Please don’t forget to subscribe and share ❤️

SHHHH

SHHHH

Silence can be powerful.

Ever wondered what to do or even say when your friend is sad and it seems like the problem is impossible to understand or you’re unable to make sense out of their words to come up with a suitable response?

Your attempts to make them laugh a little or distract them from the problems are in vain?

I experienced that again this week and I finally learnt how to stop talking and just listen.

Everyone that knows me would tell you that I love to talk, talk about nothing and talk about everything. Once I get comfortable, it’s like my mouth is a gushing fountain of words.

But here’s the truth , when dealing with friendships or relationship of any sort, we have to learn that sometimes our loved ones don’t require us to speak mindlessly in a bid to comfort them, all they might need is our quiet prescience, to sit in silence, maybe hold their hands, a slight occasional rub or pat on the back might be all they need to feel better again.

So next time you’re trying to make someone feel better, and nothing seems to work, learn to “SHHHH “ and allow your presence to do all the talking.

I hope you’ve all had an awesome week, and if you haven’t, I’m sending my love to you & reminding you that you’ll be alright in due time so keep your head up.

See you soon loves!

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DO IT NOW

DO IT NOW

I recently started lying to myself, telling myself I work better under pressure just so I’d have an excuse to do things last minute. And right now, as I speak to you, I just recovered from a break down which I caused by being lazy.

I’m learning that when we push important things to the last minute, we end up stressing ourselves and disturbing our peace and trust me there’s nothing more important than your peace of mind. So If you have something you should be doing, please, go do it now. You can come back and finish reading this later.

Your time is precious and you shouldn’t always wait till the perfect and most convenient time to start getting things done, because the truth is, that time never comes and it could leave panicked, stressed and confused.

Let’s make a promise to each other that we’d go out and make our little dreams and goals come through let’s get all the school work and office work and life work out the way now so we can go live our best stress-free life’s

See you soon loves,

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IT’S ALL NEW

IT’S ALL NEW

There is an excitement and fear that comes with moving to a new place or moving into a new year. A few months ago, I left my home country Nigeria to Cyprus for university. I made so many plans in regards to my social life, blogging, dressing, gym, dating and friends. I was truly excited because I saw university as a fresh new start.
A chance to recreate myself and my public image. I was going to accomplish it all. The truth is that I did not. I fell back to my same old habits because I thought the university would change me into this perfect human but it was my Job to change myself. I did try to do it all at the same time but truly I became overwhelmed by trying to find a balance, so it resulted in laziness and procrastination.

This time I created a new strategy for getting my things done which is Taking it slow and small, consistency and Peace of mind. I started going back to the gym slowly not overworking myself all at once and trying to reduce my meal portions. I didn’t allow myself to get stressed over results (Peace of mind) and this gave me the strength to start writing again.

So, my little tip from me to you is as you try to accomplish all your goals remember to take it small and slow, keep consistency and protect your peace of mind.

I’m so excited to be back and be able to share my experiences with everyone!

Have an amazing weekend! See you soon!

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Is love what we think it is?

Is love what we think it is?

Why do you look for love outside when there’s really no one that can love you as much as you love yourself?

Why do you say ‘I love you’ when you can’t even love yourself?

Love is very complicated, when my parents told me, I took it as a cliché old-school parent advise, but in the end, turns out they were so damn right.

You love at a young age and then when you grow up you realize that’s not love, some get heartbroken so early in their life that they become so terrified to face the world.

If I had a bottle that contained love, I would put a tag on it that says ‘harmful substance keep out of reach of children’. Everyone falls in love, you don’t have to do anything to fall in love. But not everyone stays in love because they don’t know how or they simply can’t stay in love because it can be very exhausting, you have to continue to fall in love to be able to stay in love.

The way to really love anyone is to understand that your problems are not the biggest, be selfless, think about the stranger next to you because like you, he has a story to tell, problems to solve. Don’t be too quick to love and don’t be too quick to hate also….it’s a balance. Don’t love someone because you feel good around them, that’s feigned love. Love because you can feel what they feel…in that way you would understand the reasons why they do what they do.

~favour

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Sadness is just a mindset.

Sadness is just a mindset.

The question then arises that if sadness isn’t a substance, then why can it be shared?

Sadness is a mindset, very much like happiness and anger it’s a choice. For this reason it can be shared. We humans can influence each other’s thoughts, causing us to change our mindsets. I’m talking about sadness specifically because it was one of my greatest challeng thankfully it isn’t the greatest any longer. If you are reading this because you have constant battles with sadness and emotional depression, overcoming it is quite easy. Like a popular law in physics states: To every action there is an equal but opposite reaction. Black-white, good-bad, rich-poor, front-back, up-down….

There is a pattern in life, so to be great in this double faced life, you must see things with an ambivalent mind. We have two eyes for a reason, approaching life like a cyclops (with one eye) would make life seem meaningless to you. When you’re down, because you can’t see the pattern in life you would think that you can never be up because you simply can’t imagine there is an opposite of down somewhere called up. Then you begin to think you’ll be down permanently and as you think in your heart, so are you. Looking at life from this ambivalent perspective helps you to know and believe that your now is not your forever, when you’re down you would have hope and work towards getting up(optimism).

~favour