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Tips on dealing with stress or anxiety

Tips on dealing with stress or anxiety

For these past 2 weeks, I have been constantly stressed, due to the uncertainty during this covid-19 period.

I decided to reach out for help and speak to my friends about it, I then discovered that if I make an effort to deal with these issues I can overcome it

Two things that really helped me are

Firstly, talk to someone, call anyone you trust, or you can email me, and express how you feel, let all your emotions out, it’s okay to feel not okay.

While you express your self you could unlock what’s truly making you feel this way. If you are not good at talking to others, you could write a letter to yourself.

Secondly surround your self with positive vibes, thoughts and emotions. Go for a walk, listen to music and dance, do everything that brings you peace and joy. Talk to God, spend more time with him.

Sometimes my anxiety comes from watching the news, so I found a more fun way to watch the news, which is the daily show. Try and make what gave you anxiety before more positive and less stressful

I hope all these tips were helpful ❤️

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“ Your personal boundaries protect the inner core of your identity and your right to choices” – Gerard Manley Hopkins

In November last year, I experienced a different level of inner-peace and I had moments where I felt I was glowing. This was mainly because I stopped trying so hard to please everyone and I began to distance myself from everything that was hurting me. I took some dramatic steps like asking my friend to change my instagram password so I won’t have access to it and would avoid certain triggers. It worked! I was happier, less stressed and finally able to focus on what was important to me.

During this period, I picked up new habits that made me more productive and even when I got my IG password back, I made sure to mute content from anyone that I felt negatively affected my mood or happiness.

Here’s what I learnt:
Understanding the importance of protecting what you allow into your life is key. Of course, certain things are unavoidable but most things are in fact avoidable. We can choose the kind of shows to watch, the kind of books to read, the text messages we respond to and the phone calls we pick up. Even in these extremely unique times, we can choose to filter the information we let into our minds.

I would love to recommend two practical steps I believe would be great to practice during this quarantine. With so much spare time, its important to grow in your individuality and develop a deeper understanding of self.

First identify and possibly write out your triggers. (Yes, even the little things that you might deem irrelevant should be included). Be still and think about the things that affect your mood negatively or demotivate you, its important to note where most of your stress stems from.

Secondly, take action! If it might be too drastic to block an account, then mute or restrict access to them. You can simply unfollow if you’re feeling a little bolder. Speak up and say NO to the things that make you uncomfortable and remember that you don’t have to give explanations to justify your happiness, respond to unwanted calls with text messages and inform the person on how best you’d prefer to communicate.
We all have different coping mechanisms, but prioritize discovering what works best for you and do just that.

Always remember, we engage with others better when we have taken care of ourselves first. I hope you’re staying safe and doing your best to stay afloat in these ‘Rona’ times.

Have a lovely week my darlings, please subscribe and show love and support to the blog!

Reminding Yourself

Reminding Yourself

I started overthinking again and comparing my life to others a couple of weeks ago and while I was in that funk, i decided to go back to my old blog posts and re-read them just for fun. I want to share with you what I realized.

I discovered that sometimes we need to be reminded of things we already know but have forgotten to live out or practice.

I have written quite a number of blog posts on a wide range of topics and you would think that surely I possess the answers to life’s most pressing issues and that my life is somewhat picture-perfect because there’s a lot of useful information right here on my blog but that is not the case.

I’m quite certain that I am the antagonist in someone else’s story and this feeling stems from my constant indecisiveness which often leads to making certain decisions that affect those I love.
Truth is, there are aspects of my life where I’m very vulnerable and I struggle to take my own advice because most times I don’t even remember some of the things I know to be true.

It’s important to search your heart, review and reflect on the things you’ve once learnt about an issue before you make a decision or allow a particular emotion consume you.
Here’s a list of three things i would recommend you try:

1) Pause: Thankfully, we are all currently on some form of quarantine or self isolation due to COVID-19 so this is the perfect time to pause and take deep breaths. Go for a walk if it’s allowed where you live and practice conscious breathing. Remind yourself of who you are and who you’re trying to be. Try and ground yourself and be aware of your body’s movements and your surroundings.

2) Review and Reflect : Allow your mind wander back to things you have once read that inspired you and align with your beliefs, remind yourself of what you want. Seek out some of those articles or quotes you know and reread them till you begin to feel uplifted. Personally, I usually come back to read my own blog posts or I go into the scriptures to take God’s own advice.

3) Remind: Remind yourself of who you are and where you want to be and let your decisions be a reflection of that.

Its not the easiest thing to remember every time but I hope it helps you when you find yourself in a sticky situation.

Please don’t forget to Stay Safe in these tough times, pray for those affected around the world and remember to keep your head afloat.

Power of checking up

Power of checking up

Let’s think back a little to when you had your lowest moments. Do you remember who was there for you? Who listened to you and made you feel better? Who showed up for you and made efforts to make sure you were okay?

I have had to admit that I’m not the best when it comes to checking up on friends that are not in my city or live out of the country. I would constantly blame busy schedules and life’s happenings but recently, with the current social distancing laws, I’ve found more time to do so.
I checked up on one of my friends who had been there for me when I went through a difficult time and discovered that she had been dealing with so much in her own life and had wished I had said a simple “hi’ and reached out to hold her hand earlier.

We spoke for a long while and after bringing her up to speed on all that had been going on, I realized how powerful checking up on others can be. We might not have the time to do it as often as we like but I feel like during this period, we have a chance to work at it and be better.

If you are confused on who to check up on, think about
• Who has always been there for you in your lowest.
• Anyone you feel has been unusually distant.
• Family. Send a text to your parents or loved ones
• And anyone you miss and geniuley care about.

These little conversation could end up making your day and theirs and definitely help our general mental health and wellbeing.

Always remember to save emotional real-estate for the ones that would stay, be soft and be a safe place for the ones you love.

See you soon x Subscribe to the mailing list to be notified when I post.😄

Who Makes Your Decisions ?!

Who Makes Your Decisions ?!

Do you ever wish someone else, just anybody could take the pressure and make the hard decisions on your behalf? Then they’d also face the consequences, while you sit back, kick your feet up and eat popcorn? Well, I do. I am probably one of the most indecisive persons you could ever meet and this is mainly because I’m afraid of the outcomes of my decisions.

I have always been afraid to make decisions about school, relationships and even simple things like clothes. I spend so much time deliberating on a decision because I’m afraid of what people will say, how the situation looks, if its acceptable. This behavior of mine has really hindered me from doing so many things. I’m always trying to people please when I should really be pleasing myself and thinking of what pleases Jesus.

It took me time but I realized that we are allowed to make the wrong decisions, say the wrong things. We are not built to be prefect all the time. Even in the context of my faith. I’m allowed to slip up. I’m slowly learning to be comfortable with doing what I think is right, before I consider anyone else. Its important that your decisions always favor you.

Just quickly think of decisions you have made that are more people pleasing than you pleasing. And set your priority to be on you. This is your life and your story. Remember, as the main character of your life’s story, you need to build your story first before allowing others to add to the details.



Change Your Surroundings

Change Your Surroundings

In science, we call it energy,
In religion, we call it spirits
In the streets, we call it vibes.

All I’m saying is trust it (@bonkifide on Instagram)

I have never really been the kind of person who takes extra time to notice my surroundings, this is because I am someone who knows how to smile and have fun in any situation. But I have come to realize that if we truly want to achieve our goals and protect our peace, We have to be deliberate.

Only you and I can decide who we want to invest our time with, we can choose to be deliberate with our friendships, we do not have to go with the flow, we can create the waves.

Think about it in the practical aspects of your life. Think upon the type of life you want, the way you want to feel. If its more gym or workout oriented, surround yourself with people who are where you want to be. Even something such as drinking water, start putting a glass next to you before you sleep. There is so much potential in each of us and we have to take time to discover it.

Take time this week to notice how you feel around a group of friends,
how your mood changes when you listen to a certain type of music or a type of movie or series
notice where you feel safe and loved
notice you,
because you are the most valuable thing in your story
and readjust your day to have more of what brings you joy.

Comment or email your experiences and what you notice.
See you soon

Your Last Argument

Your Last Argument

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” – Steve Maraboli

Think back to your last argument, or the last slight disagreement you had. How did you feel after? I always feel confused, unsure if I said the right things, wishing I could have said less and said more.

I recently I had planned out a whole conversation, written out everything I was going to say, so that it doesn’t come out offensive. However, the person took it the wrong way and I found myself arguing over something that wasn’t even the main topic. No one plans to argue, we usually want to express how we feel and we are met with a negative reaction.

I got so frustrated that I just called my elder brother, and started venting off my anger. And he said “Fountain, it’s in the past there is nothing you can do but let go and move on”. I honestly didn’t want to listen, but after a while I accepted the truth. The two things I learnt were:

1)Forgive yourself: Accept that you can’t take back the words that you said, understand that neither can they. Always remember sorry is better said through actions, so next time you see them say hi or go grab a coffee together.

2)Let go of the situation: understand that the situation is over and let go, don’t keep talking about it, it helps you accept that it’s in past.

I really hope these tips help you, to start moving in a more positive direction. See you soon

“The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.” – Steve Maraboli

Dealing with Negative Thoughts

Dealing with Negative Thoughts

Negative thoughts are not limited to self depreciation or a feeling of inadequacy stemming from work or school, it could be a disappointing situation that happened in the past that you can’t change or an unkind statement that was said about you that you can’t seem to shake off. These thoughts tend to overwhelm us and eventually become a dark cloud over our lives if we feed them and let them grow for too long.
We begin to have random mood swings and periods of anxiety and prolonged sadness.

Here’s what i have learnt from careful observation for a while now, i realize that the more you make a conscious effort not to think about something, your mind ends up going back to that exact thought and you create an endless loop. Its not just enough to say i am going to stop thinking about ‘topic A’ , you’re going to need to actively replace it with ’Topic B’ in order to move on.

Personally, the last few months were really emotionally tasking for me because there was always this constant battle of having to remind myself of my self-worth and trying to deal with problems I knew i had little or no control over. This struggle was frustrating but that period helped me learn 3 major things to practice when dealing with the rampant thoughts in my head

Firstly, NOTICE your negative or unhelpful thoughts. Outline them and take notes of the scenes that you keep playing in your head and be aware of the pattern of thought that constantly builds itself.

What you are saying to yourself?
What words do you use to describe yourself?
What situations trigger you the most?
What fears are constantly living in your mind?

Secondly, REJECT unhelpful or negative thoughts. This is being self-aware and realizing that you have control and power over your mind. You have been given the ability to stop and refuse these thoughts and patterns so use that power. Reject any person or situations that lies about who you are and the potential you carry. Stop people from projecting negative words over your life. Also, avoid any situation that makes you feel worried afraid or hopeless.

Lastly, REPLACE those negative patterns of thinking with positive ones. Feed yourself with only honest and true facts. If you feel that you are always making mistakes, remind yourself of the fact that you are human and not perfect but however if you keep at it you will eventually succeed.
Be honest but be gentle, allow yourself space to grow and heal. Congratulate yourself for the little wins.

These three things have really helped me with my thinking process and made me less stressed and worried. Sometimes share with a trusted friend or a close companion and ask them to remind you of the things they love about you the most. Be reminded of your strengths and wins.

And don’t forget, if you ever need someone to listen you can always send an email and i would be sure to respond with love and kindness.

Happy New year and I cant wait to continue to share more with you.

Take Action

Take Action

Do you know the feeling after you listen to a motivational podcast, watch an inspiring youtube video or read something that stirs you up? You instantly want to do better, start going to the gym, start reading a book, start taking your goals seriously. But after a couple of days, life happens and everything falls apart.  In no time, you’ve totally forgotten everything you planned to do. 

  Don’t worry you’re not alone, I basically just described myself.
   So last two weeks in my last blog post ( you should really go back and read it if you haven’t )I wrote about focusing on yourself, setting boundaries, doing what you love and learning who I am . I promise you, all it took for me to get distracted was a text message. And I started to down spiral back to my old ways, what made it funny was that I kept on convincing myself that I was alright and I knew what I doing. However, I did not. I only ended up people pleasing, stressed, moody, emotionally exhausted and confused.
  I finally took a drastic step and did took a major break from a lot of things. Some of the actions i took might seem a bit extreme to other people but a girl had to do what a girl had to do. However, I’m happy I continued the way I did, because I know i can be quite naive sometimes. 
So, I did take action finally and it paid off.
       Here are some practical steps I took:

1) Take a leap of faith: if there is a situation or a thing you have been procrastinating on take a leap of faith to start moving. This means just getting up and paying for the gym, writing a sentence for your essay, creating an account for your passion, unfollowing, blocking  or restricting anything that’s stopping you from doing the right things.

2) Create space for yourself : I always love seeing others happy but never put peoples happiness at the expense  of yours. Have your personal time where you reflect and think about your goals or anything new you want to try.

3) Create accountability or a support system: Everyone gets demotivated thats why we read or listen to things to get us motivated again. Get someone who you can be accountable to, not just anyone, some you trust like family or a person you know is working towards the same goals as you. so you can stay motivated.

You can read my blog, listen to motivational speakers but that’s not going to change till you get control and take action. If it means deleting social media, do it , if you need to pay for a work out plan, do it. if you need to get a tutor , do it . if you need to go all out on an apology, do it.  Do it now cause time goes by so quickly. it will not be a smooth journey but start now.